I was afraid that my doubts would be too big for Him, but they weren't. In fact, He was just waiting for me to bring them; he already knew. He wasn't afraid of my doubts or shocked by them as I had feared. Quite the contrary. Fully knowing and anticipating this, He died for my unbelief many, many years ago. I know this may seem confusing because to "believe" on the name of Jesus Christ is what saves a life and yet I am saying that unbelief lead to my life being saved. What happened is that my unbelief, when cast upon the Living Word of God, turned into belief. One by one my doubts were settled and faith arose inside of me. A dead heart was made alive. I began to truly believe.
The interesting thing is that doubt and unbelief continue to pop up in my life. Every day. At the root of every sinful act is a lack of belief in the promises of God. That HE knows best. That HE is faithful. That HE will provide. That HE is in control. That HE has the plan. That HE loves me. How many times do I not believe?! Many. This is my skeptical, unbelieving nature. This is the nature that so desperately needs the touch of a Savior, every single day.
Romans 5:8 says that God demonstrates His love for me in this: even knowing I would be a sinner, Christ died for me. The payment has been made. It is finished. But He demonstrates this love every day as I am reminded that it is finished. This knowledge is what allows me to truly live. He died for the sin of yesterday, today and every tomorrow. Even my doubts...even my unbelief...all of it covered by the blood, once and for all, at the cross. Removed as far as the east is from the west. This is the vast, incomparable, unfathomable love of God.
If I never had any doubts, I wouldn't have gone searching for the Truth. So thankful for that doubt and the God who handles it.
Mark 9: 20-25
So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.
Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?”
“From childhood,” he answered. “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”
“‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”
Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”
When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the impure spirit. “You deaf and mute spirit,” he said, “I command you, come out of him and never enter him again.”