Thursday, May 28, 2009


This post is dedicated to the Queens of Wal-Mart. You know who you are and I hope you will seriously consider the following...

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Things you can do to make your next trip to Wal-Mart a memorable one:

Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

Make a trail of prune juice on the floor leading to the restroom. (sorry for that one)

Walk up to an employee and tell her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Crafts. Get on it right away!"

Go to the Service Desk and try to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they will bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin crying and scream, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the Mission Impossible theme song.

Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through yell, "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume a fetal position and scream, "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

Go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, then yell very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

5 comments:

  1. Very funny! My personal favorite is the voices over the loud speaker!

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  2. I, being a queen of Walmart, thought they were all hysterical.

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  3. I like "Pick Me, Pick Me."

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  4. I like to follow my wife around in Wal-Mart, remaining about two paces behind her, and when she is not looking walk with a goofy walk that involves some kind of strange limp. When she turns around I go back to the normal walk.

    I also like to model funny hats for her - this usually occurs at Target.

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  5. HILARIOUS!!! So you are THAT lady at Walmart! HA!!

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