Thursday, May 28, 2009

This post is dedicated to the Queens of Wal-Mart. You know who you are and I hope you will seriously consider the following...


Things you can do to make your next trip to Wal-Mart a memorable one:

Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

Make a trail of prune juice on the floor leading to the restroom. (sorry for that one)

Walk up to an employee and tell her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Crafts. Get on it right away!"

Go to the Service Desk and try to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they will bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin crying and scream, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the Mission Impossible theme song.

Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through yell, "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume a fetal position and scream, "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

Go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, then yell very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"


  1. Very funny! My personal favorite is the voices over the loud speaker!

  2. I, being a queen of Walmart, thought they were all hysterical.

  3. I like "Pick Me, Pick Me."

  4. I like to follow my wife around in Wal-Mart, remaining about two paces behind her, and when she is not looking walk with a goofy walk that involves some kind of strange limp. When she turns around I go back to the normal walk.

    I also like to model funny hats for her - this usually occurs at Target.

  5. HILARIOUS!!! So you are THAT lady at Walmart! HA!!