Friday, August 7, 2009

All About Poop

I'm just letting you know up front, this post is the maniacal rant of a frustrated, fed-up, potty training failure of a mother. If you're not interested, go away. And I mean that in the kindest way possible.

If you're still here, can I ask you something?

Why does my son refuse to be potty trained? Why does he hold his poop for hours on end because "the poop goes back up to [his] eyes" when he walks in the bathroom? Why would my son give his right arm for a pull-up when he needs to go? Why is it that on the rare occasion he finds a pull-up, his eyes light up like he has struck gold?Why would he rather squat on the floor or grass to poop rather than sit on the pot? When I am trying to change the soiled pull-up, why does he say things like, " No, mommy! I like the poop to stay in there. " or "Stop! I want it to burn." (Sorry, have I shared too much?) Why did my son once ask me for a make-up mirror so he could hold it up to his rear and check to see if I got him clean enough?

Can I just ask WHY???

Now, before you start to offer advice--which I would love to hear--let me tell you what I have already tried: charts, candy, trips, blowing out a candle, m&m's, hermit crabs, a smaller potty, a smaller potty seat, a squishy potty seat, cheerios, fruit loops and other cereals as targets, taking the pull-ups away, going naked, watching other kids poop in potty, brownies, potty box, tv in front of him while sitting on the pot, making him clean himself, making him clean his poopy underwear in the potty water, telling him I am going to throw-up if I have to change him again. Once I even told him that our potty wasn't getting enough food because he wasn't feeding his poop to the potty like everyone else. I am insane. Don't you think I know that!? I need help.

Do they have potty-training boot camp?


  1. I'm dying here girl... that is so funny. Only because I've done this with my boy too... I promise he wont' be like nine years old and still doing this. Seriously, I say that because I used to wonder...

  2. Maybe he needs a little privacy . . . and not a three-ring circus.

  3. Privacy is not really an issue with him. He'll poop in a pull-up right in the middle of a crowded room or he'll drop trou to poop in the grass in our back yard as cars zoom past. Once we looked out on the back porch and he was peeing in a dixie cup and then tossed the contents out into the driveway. Plus he makes me go into the bathroom with him.

    Although I get what you are saying...enough with all the gimmicks. I am not implementing anything right now and just keep a fully stocked basket of pull-ups in the bathroom for his pooping pleasure...

  4. I feel your pain...but first off...the words Keelie and Failure of a Mother should NEVER be used in the same sentence!

  5. Are there such things as counselars for this type of problem? lol. "Stop, I want it to burn." is pretty concerning. But I have no advice. Isn't there some popular book about potty training? Seems like I've heard someone talk about it before. Not sure. :-/